25 Sep 2009

It's funny

I had been looking forward to starting University for near on four years, "had" is the word because right now i'm not too sure anymore.

I originally started college in 2005, I wanted to originally study Criminal Psychology or something of the sort after college and although my science grades at school weren't the best (GNVQ PASS) I decided to do Psychology, Sociology and Law and see what I could do afterwards. It never works that way, and four years later here I am - sat typing here after enrolling as a student at a University I NEVER thought i'd be able to go to, I never thought I would get that break.

I understand the notion of Fresher's Week, and how it is a "tool" of sorts, allowing all the Freshers from any particular institution meet and make friends... but is it so wrong to not want to be a part of it all? I can't help but feel like a bit of a leper since I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't feel comfortable in night clubs. For the past two years I have, by choice, abstained from "partying" - even though I am well old enough (21 on October 5th) - and I never really felt different because of it. Now? now I feel different, I feel as though I am the only person who is starting University and I am "missing out" on the fun of it... which is strange since I wouldn't normally want to be in any situation like that... booze filled, crowded and dank. I'm all up for meeting new people, sure - but I see induction as the time for that, and the week before induction as a time to come to terms of the high load of work we will be expected to do. I am reading, researching, planning.. and I feel strange for doing so? ..this isn't me.

Maybe I have realised that maybe I wouldn't be so paranoid or nervous if I actually got out there and, as the saying goes - "when in rome, do as the romans do" - London sure is a hotspot for going out. Perhaps it's the fact I am not living in halls that has made me feel this way? i'm not too sure.. there is no other way for me to live because I would not allow myself to end up over 30k in debt after University (inc. fees and accomodation) - I thought I would prefer to have a bit of extra cash to do as I please.. but I don't, my maintenance loan just covers my train fares (leaving under £100 to toy around with) so I HAVE to get a job, there is no choice in the matter...

Yeah, after this I am feeling that maybe Uni wont be the fun filled three years I thought it would be... maybe I can't see that at the moment, but I can sure as hell try and make it that way. I think I deserve it after everything.

22 Sep 2009

these past few weeks...

...haven't been great!

I have been constantly worrying about starting Uni, have I made the right decision? will I handle meeting new people? will I handle the journey every day? so much STRESS! ...instead of bottling it up like I have been i've decided to revive my (rather short) blog.

Uni starts tomorrow, enrolment at 10:30am - SHOCK HORROR! I am sure it will be fine but I can't help but notice I have a giant knot in my stomach.

Yeah, here's to the next three years and lets hope they're eventful and interesting :)

26 Jul 2009

This week has not been interesting

Maximus, Maximouse... whatever we call him, but that puppy sure has some beans in him, he is like a little pocket rocket! the house training is still in progress, he isas hard as nails.. when in the kitchen he does it where he should, he poops outside - but in the living room? he wont run into the kitchen he'll just poop in a corner instead.

I've had a rough week emotionally and mentally, I did some things I should probably not have and for that I ended up with a sleepless night and vomiting, my stomach is still tender and I am avoiding medication at all costs. I discovered that the nearest hospital is crap, the triage staff point blank ask you if you feel suicidal - well, obviously.. taking something like I did that kind of answers the question, I hardly wanted to be reminded. I didn't appreciate being sat in a waiting room for 2 and a half hours for a blood test which didn't materialise, liver damage? who cares, I just wanted to get some sleep... which I didn't do anyways as I was kept awake by now caring parents. They obviously didn't want the embarrassment of their daughter topping herself.

All honesty aside, i'm feeling fine :)

I've got some new glasses, I destroyed my previous pair through a rage and they were no longer covered... the Vision Express in Chatham is a cool place to spend your Wednesday morning/early afternoon.

I'm now back in contact with a past friend, although nothing has changed but I have... I really don't think this is gona bode well, liars never change - do they? nor attention seekers.

Yeah, everything else is boring so i'm not typing anymore... I just can't be assed.

16 Jul 2009


is my moms 59th birthday, and lord don't I know it.

My brother forgot, typically - even though I bought a card for him he still forgot to sign it, boooooo Lee - what a norse!

Max had his first vaccinations today, he was so brave.. the vet and nurses seem to really like Mr Maximus and this he's a nice cross (Jack Russell X Chihuahua) ;) he's also being well behaved and is pissing and shitting in the right place, namely his "nappy" with the training scent on.

I still have had no feedback from job applications, nothing at all - fucking rude! i'd at least expect a "nooooo" letter or something to at least let me know I need to try elsewhere! I swear it's because of where i'm originally from, i'm not from the Medway originally see - I only just moved down here from Birmingham! and oh how I miss the familiarity of the city.

Nothing much else to report, oh Lee has training in some plane or plain somewhere.. Salisbury? I saw it on the TV with a Chinook helicopter, the Grenadiers are preparing to be deployed to Afghanistan in Sept/Oct - it's a little shit.

Yeah, my life is soooo interesting, isn't it?

14 Jul 2009


Today has dragged so much, although it has been quite busy in terms of things to do.. max the Jackhuahua has tired me out so much... he is now in his 3rd day of living with us and well, he's settled in perfectly. He has started to become more vocal, and now has the nickname "ankle biter" as he loves nothing more than to bite my toes and ankles!! typical of a teething pup I guess! I went shopping to several places today, including Sainsbury's woooo - felt a little paranoid because whilst being in there for some odd reason, probably because I didn't eat breakfast this morning.. no time!
When i'm hungry I get a little agitated and tempermental, along with paranoid... s'all good!

I have to admit that i've eaten tons today, as I missed breakfast I had a yoghurt and banana for "brunch", a beef and horseradish cob for dinner with a pack of baked crisps, chinese stir fry for tea followed with a Muller Rice and just now some poppy seed crackers and light philly! I didn't drink a lot though so that is definately something I need to concentrate on, I just can't stand the water down here (no offence to those living in the South of England, but I was brought up in the Midlands and drank Welsh water all my life!!) this stuff is awful, doesn't taste clean and the kettle needs descaling every 2 weeks!!! i've never had to descale a kettle in my entire LIFE!!

So yeah, all in all an okay day... could have been worse, had a few arguments with mom but that's expected since I was hungry. I took lots of pics of Max the Jackhuahua, they're on my facebook page and also on flickr now so be sure to check them out! he's so adorable now.. I wonder how big he'll get....

13 Jul 2009

As i've put the adult warning on my blog

does that mean I can be as foul mouthed as I would be in "real" life, or rather, in person?

I swear a lot to get my point accross, I don't want kiddies picking up my awful traits!

Would be nice to be able to write, and write (type, and type!) without censoring myself :)

So here it is, it finally happened

I had been toying with the idea of having a blog, or rather, somewhere I can vent which wont get the attention of "friends" for some time... I only frequent 2 or 3 websites, those being the fan site I adore (http://www.jesterhead.com) and also facebook, of course! so it's hard to relay what I want to say when.. everyone has it brought to their attention by their news feed. I just wanted somewhere to be free of concerns about how people might react to my inane rambling, and also my constant fears and worries - yes, I did warn you.. I over analyze until i'm red in the face, everything in the past that has been good for me i've ruined due to my constant fear of reprisal for being a sarcastic and bad tempered young lady. I don't mean to sound self loathing here, god - if I do please slap me sideways (some how!) as this blog is meant to help with my worries and enable me to get another point of view of what is going on in my poor little brain.

Yes, I think like twitter I shall get addicted to rambling.. sorry :)