25 Sep 2009

It's funny

I had been looking forward to starting University for near on four years, "had" is the word because right now i'm not too sure anymore.

I originally started college in 2005, I wanted to originally study Criminal Psychology or something of the sort after college and although my science grades at school weren't the best (GNVQ PASS) I decided to do Psychology, Sociology and Law and see what I could do afterwards. It never works that way, and four years later here I am - sat typing here after enrolling as a student at a University I NEVER thought i'd be able to go to, I never thought I would get that break.

I understand the notion of Fresher's Week, and how it is a "tool" of sorts, allowing all the Freshers from any particular institution meet and make friends... but is it so wrong to not want to be a part of it all? I can't help but feel like a bit of a leper since I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't feel comfortable in night clubs. For the past two years I have, by choice, abstained from "partying" - even though I am well old enough (21 on October 5th) - and I never really felt different because of it. Now? now I feel different, I feel as though I am the only person who is starting University and I am "missing out" on the fun of it... which is strange since I wouldn't normally want to be in any situation like that... booze filled, crowded and dank. I'm all up for meeting new people, sure - but I see induction as the time for that, and the week before induction as a time to come to terms of the high load of work we will be expected to do. I am reading, researching, planning.. and I feel strange for doing so? ..this isn't me.

Maybe I have realised that maybe I wouldn't be so paranoid or nervous if I actually got out there and, as the saying goes - "when in rome, do as the romans do" - London sure is a hotspot for going out. Perhaps it's the fact I am not living in halls that has made me feel this way? i'm not too sure.. there is no other way for me to live because I would not allow myself to end up over 30k in debt after University (inc. fees and accomodation) - I thought I would prefer to have a bit of extra cash to do as I please.. but I don't, my maintenance loan just covers my train fares (leaving under £100 to toy around with) so I HAVE to get a job, there is no choice in the matter...

Yeah, after this I am feeling that maybe Uni wont be the fun filled three years I thought it would be... maybe I can't see that at the moment, but I can sure as hell try and make it that way. I think I deserve it after everything.

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